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Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 12:33 pm
Posts: 3,499
Location: Check the trunk
Gender: Male
During my leave of absence, I wrote a bunch of Choose Your Own Adventures on Gamefaqs. I will now post my fleshed out series that I wasn't trying to make become a series :P There is probably around 7 or 8 stories, and I'll write an introduction before each one and conclusion after each.

CYOA: You are hiding in your crush's car trunk (Written July, 2013)

These first few stories were meant to be just stand alone stories. This was one of my craziest stories I wrote, and the main character (Who gets a name later in a future story) is one of my favorite characters I wrote. And although I love this story, my writing has gotten much better since then. So, enjoy.

It's Friday Night. You are in your crush's car trunk. Hiding. Why?

Well, you were at school (you know, high school, the hardest time in life), and the kids that always make fun of you, because you are kind of a dork, were chasing you throughout the parking lot. The bullies, Stan and Jeff, were on your tail, but luckily you can run pretty fast so you went around a corner, and found a car. The trunk was open, so you got inside.

You only planned on staying in there for a few minutes, but then the trunk shut on you. You know there is some sort of tab thing that you can pull on to open the trunk, but that seems to be gone. So now you aren't only hiding in the trunk, you are stuck.

Suddenly, you hear a car door slam, and a girl talking on the phone.

"Well, I'm not doing anything on Saturday. There is a party at Jeff's house? Well, I'll be there!"

You'd know that voice anywhere. Captain of the Cheerleaders, hottest girl in school, Jessica. You've had a massive crush on her forever.

"Oh crap!" She says, "I left something in my trunk! Hold on, I have to get it."

Ben Browder! She's going to see you! What do you do?

A. Hide in the side of the trunk and hope she doesn't see you.
B. Run out of the trunk when she opens it and don't look back; hopefully the bullies are gone.
C. Say, "Wassup baby?" and wink when she opens the trunk.
D. Pretend to be dead.

D.

Gotta act fast. If you try hitting on her, you may end up getting hit yourself. If you run away, she'll think you were trying to spy on her. If you hide, you may get away with it, but the chances are slim. Your only chance is to pretend to be dead. That way you can make her mad at Jeff for killing a child. Aw yeah.

You make your body go limp (except your crotch area, which seems to be getting excited because of Jessica's voice) and close your eyes. You also stop breathing for the few minutes that she'll see you. You can see light through the tiny crack in your eyes, and hear Jessica's voice as she sees your "dead" body in her trunk.

"Oh my God!" She screams. Hopefully she knows CPR and needs to do Mouth to Mouth.

Suddenly, you hear the school fat kid, Marvin, say, "Is he unconsious? Don't worry! I know CPR!" Ben Browder it.

Marvin gets on top of you and feeling your erection, gets one of his own. Yours, however fades away.

Every second gets worse during the CPR. From getting hit in the chest by a fat kid from having his mouth, which you are sure his teeth haven't been brushed forever, all on yours, and feeling his erection, you fake coming back to this world.

"Ugh!" You gasp, "I'm fine! I'm fine!"

He doesn't stop. He continues for about another 30 seconds before you punch him in the head. That makes him stop.

"We have to get you to the nurse!" Marvin says, his boner obivously showing.

What do you do?

A. Punch Marvin in the crotch
B. Go to the nurse.
C. Follow Jessica home.
D. Tell Jessica "what happened" to maybe make her mad at Jeff.

A, C, and D

Looking at Marvin, something is really pisses you off about him. Plus, his boner doesn't... seem right. You punch it enough for him to pass out on the ground. Now it's time for more important things.

"Hey, are you alright?" Jessica says, hugging you, which makes your boner come back. Aw yeah!

"Aw yeah!" You say, unsmooth like. You compose yourself, then say, "Umm, Jeff beat me up and knocked me unconcious. You should do something about that. Like, not go to his party tomorrow."

"Yeah, maybe I..." she says, then gives a look, "Hey, how did you know about that?"

"Oh, you said that while talking on the phone when I was in the tru...oh crap." You say, utterly defeated, but still hard.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go now," Jessica says while she gets back in her car and drives away. Suddenly, you get in her car and follow her. You drive for about 5 miles until she parks in a garage. You park about a block away and walk back to her house.

You followed her home. What do you do?

A. Sneak into her window and hide in her closet.
B. Sneak into her window and snoop in her things.
C. Call your friends (All 2 of them) and have a party in her yard.
D.Sing her a song you wrote yourself from her yard.

CD

You know what you could go for right now? A party. You decide to call up your friends and have a party! But you don't feel like going home, so let's have it in the front of Jessica's house. You call your 2 friends, Rob and Paul, and tell them it's time to party. You tell them Jessica's address and tell them to come over. You also go over to her neighbors house, and get them over there as well.

Congratulations, you now have a party of 15 people. Now what do you do at the party? Karaoke! You decide to sing a song you made up yourself. So you scream into the boombox you found in Jessica's garage, "This song is for the woman I love!" So alpha. Suddenly, a window opens and Jessica pops out her head.

"What the heck is going on?!?" she screams. Maybe you should have asked her if it was alright to have the party first, but whatever, it's time to sing, Ben Browder it.

"At first I was stuck in your trunk,
and had to make out with a fat kid,
but now I can't get out of this funk,
and it all comes back to... DANG IT!" It seems you cannot figure out a word that rhymes with kid.

"Get the **** off of my property," Jessica says.

What do you do?

A. Get the **** off of her property, but follow her to the party tomorrow.
B. Continue the party.
C. Disband the party, sneak into her room.
D. Disband the party, sneak into her room with Paul and Rob

D.

You know you can no longer hold the party. It will give too much attention. However, you do have a plan.

"Alright guys, you heard her, this party's over," imitating Mace Windu. You're badpropane. "Get off of this nice girls property."

Everyone walks away, and Paul and Rob turn around too, but then you whisper to them, "Hold on guys, stay," which they do.

Jessica's room is on the second floor. You saw her pop her head out of the window earlier. Luckily, there is a tree right near her window, which you climb. Unfortunately, Paul isn't as strong as you and Rob, so he had trouble climbing up the tree. After about 10 minutes of watching him struggle up the tree, you all finally make it up there.

No one is in her room, so the three of you climb into the window and enter the room. You start looking around in her room, but then you hear footsteps.

Where do you hide?

A. Hide in the tree.
B. Under her bed.
C. In her closet.
D. Under her covers, then pop out and surprise her.
E. Don't. Just stand there.
F. (Lot's of options this time) Pretend to be dead again.

A

Oh no! You need to hide somewhere, fast. Her room isn't safe, can't hide anywhere in there. The only possible place that could be safe is the tree, so you decide to take your chances. You motion to Paul and Rob to follow you, and you hide in some of the leaves so whoever is coming can't see you.

Immediately after you are completely hidden, Jeff and Jessica walk into her room. She shuts the door, and they begin making out. It is one of the most horrifying things you've ever seen. You feel as if your heart is being ripped out of your chest, and being thrown on the ground.

After about 30 seconds of them making out, Jessica puts her hand on Jeff's zipper. You have to stop this, but how? Then you remember your 2 comrades in the tree with you. Bingo. You pick up Paul and throw him in the room, doing the same to Rob after Paul is in the room. Jessica screams as your friends are confused on what is going on.

"What the **** are you two doing here?" Jeff asks. He sounds pissed, and he should. He was about to get lucky when these two dickweeds entered the room. Total ****blocker, man.

"Well, we wanted to know if we could get in on this action," Paul says, winking, "Can we?"

"Oh, God, no!" Jessica screams.

Paul and Rob aren't doing too well. You have to distract Jessica and Jeff so they escape without getting seen. You got them into this mess, now time to get them out.

You jump into the room, unzip your pants, and whip it out, all while in the air. "Ta-da!" you say as you stick the landing, arms raised in the air. Jessica and Jeff are speechless as your friends jump out the window and climb down the tree.

Jessica screams at the sight of your smaller than average willy, while Jeff is coming over to beat the crap out of you.

What do you do?

A. Jump out the window before anything happens
B. Knock them both unconsious and hope they forget what happened
C. Beat the heck outta Jeff, then leave
D. Stand there, accepting your fate

BCD

You begin to stand there, thinking of what your next move will be. Obviously, they've seen you, they know you're behind this...or do they? If you can knock them unconscious, you can manipulate their memories in ways in your favor! But, first, you need to beat up this dickweed.

Jeff catches you off-guard, and punches you in the face. You get knocked to the ground, but roll out of the way in time to dodge a kick to the face. You pull up your pants (you forgot about that, didn't you?) while you stand up, and punch him in the gut. As he bends over in pain, you go behind him and put him in a headlock. You then jump on his back and force him onto the ground. You begin punching at his face as he begins to turn into a bloody pulp. Finally, from bloodloss, he loses consciousness.

Jessica, watching the fight, tries to run downstairs. Not today, sister! You punch her in the eye so hard she falls onto the ground, unconscious. Weaksauce.

You take out your cell phone and call the police. Then, you make up your brilliant story.

"Well, I was walking down the street, when I heard a girl screaming for help. I ran inside and Jessica was knocked out, by one punch in the eye, from Jeff. Then, when Jeff saw that I saw what he did, he came at me and began punching me. I subdued him from causing anymore trouble. Come right away."

Then you realize something. You are going to get in trouble for this fight, even if you were defending yourself and Jessica. You need a plan, right away!

What do you do?

A. Run away from home.
B. Kidnap Jeff and Jessica before the cops come so you don't get in trouble.
C. Kidnap Jessica and ask her to Jeff's party tomorrow
D. Nothing at all, just go to Jeff's house tomorrow for the party.

C.

Accepting your fate isn't going to cut it, you would get in trouble. What's a little more trouble onto the list? You pick up Jessica and throw her body around your shoulders; your erection returns. As you turn to get out the window, you notice Jeff's body lying there. He was a little dick, wasn't he? It's payback time. You throw his body over your shoulders as well and leave.

You then get to Jeff's house (You know where it is, he does things to you there) and put his body in the garage. You find a tank of gasoline in his garage. Bingo. You line the house with gas, then light a match. You throw the match near the gas and run. The house catches on fire until it burns to the ground. You heard screams coming from the inside while burning, but they seized once the house collapsed. Congratulations, you are a serial killer.

Laughing manically, you run away before the firemen get there. Around this time, Jessica begins to come to. When she awakes, she screams.

"What happened? Why are you carrying me?" Jessica said, "And why does my eye hurt?" She looks awful, due to the black eye, but she is still beautiful.

"Look, Jessica, Jeff punched you in your eye and you became unconscious. I heard your screams before it and rushed into your room, and I beat up Jeff." You say, heroically.

Jessica is not impressed. "Jeff would never do something like that! He is so sweet and nice and wonderful! He wouldn't hurt a fly!" Oh jeez. "Where is Jeff now?"

"Oh, we won't be hearing from him again," you wink, then begin to laugh manically again. "Oh, by the way, do you want to go to Jeff's party with me?"

Wait a second. Jeff is dead. His house has burnt to the ground. There will be no party. It doesn't matter though. Jessica kicks you in the crotch and runs away, yelling "Kidnapper, kidnapper!"

Oh dear. What do you do?

A. Run away again
B. Tackle Jessica to the ground and make out with her
C. Find Stan and negotiate a deal with him now that his comrade is dead
D. C with Paul and Rob

C (With a little bit of B and D mixed in)

"Hold on!" You say to Jessica as she hurries away. She stops and turns around to you. You power walk over to her, grab her, and kiss her. It is truly the best moment in your entire life. The whole world seems to slow down around you as you embrace her and she tries to fight back, but ultimately giving in and returns her kiss and embrace.

After about 20 seconds, you let go and run away. Jessica gives a little smirk and walks away, filled with anger, but a little bit of joy.

You call up Paul and Rob again, but they decline. Apparently they're pissed at you for throwing them into Jessica's room...and it's late. So screw them, they know where they can find you. Stan's house, making him an ally. Or dead. One or the other.

You find Stan's house, and politely knock on the door. A woman you can only presume to be his mother answers. "Hi, is Stan home?"

"Who are you?" his mother responds with. You've never actually been at Stan's house when his parents were home. Only when Stan and Jeff were torturing you.

"I'm Stan's friends," you say bluntly and rather quickly, "Can I talk to him for a minute?"

After looking at you for a few seconds, his mother responds with, "Sure...he'll be right out." Stan's mother closes the door, so you step away from it. In an open window, you see a teenage girl on the computer. You bet that's Stan's sister. You spy for a little longer until you hear a door close.

"What are you doing?" Stan says as he sees you looking at his sister while you have an erection. "Hey, what are you doing at my house? Looking for a beating?"

"No, Stan. I think you're the one looking for a beating. You see, I've paid your friend Jeff a little visit tonight, and he is no longer with us. Now ,you have a choice. Join me, or die!"

"What? You're crazy!" Stan is in bewilderment.

What do you do?

A. Fight Stan
B. Try convincing him to join you.
C. Screw Stan, look at his sister some more.
D. Cry to Stan and tell him everything that has happened today

C (Also some A)

You still have your erection from earlier. Somehow, looking at Stan makes you more excited. You go over to him and ask him something...

*If I said anymore of this part I'd probably get modded XD*

You finished. You're done. You've lost your virginity to Stan, and all is well. Well, except for his sister that's coming outside.

"What the heck are you two doing?" She asks. She's obviously scarred from what she's seen, but also a little curious. So you do the same thing to her.

Now, there are two unconscious bodies laying on the floor (I mean come on, did you really think Stan and his sister would agree to it conscious?), and you are now a rapist, a serial killer, an assaulter, and arsonist. Things aren't really going your way today.

So you wait for Stan to be conscious, to which he awakes by saying, "Why does my butthole feel stretched out?" And then he spots you, with your pants on the ground, his sister lying unconscious and naked, and he runs up and attacks you.

You dodge his first strike, and try to sweep him to the ground. He backs up and hits you straight in the chest. You are on the ground, trying to catch your breathe, when he kicks you in the head. That does it. You get up and push him to the ground, and snap both his arms on your leg. Now he has 2 at least sprained arms, and is kneeling on the ground. You take out a pocket knife.

"Live or die, man?" You say, quoting your favorite movie of all time, "Live or Die?"

Live or die?

A. Live
B. Die

A.

"Oh my God!" Stan yells, "I'm too young to die! Please don't kill me!" You're about to put away your knife when Stan smirks and is about to stand up, with payback on the mind. Not wanting to get hurt, you stab the knife in his leg, and pull it out. You then kick his face until he is unconscious. Then, you walk away. You know Stan will live.

Soon, you hear sirens. You run fast, and make sure you are out of the vicinity of Stan's body and Jeff's burnt down house. You realize you probably aren't going to be able to go home for a while, not while you're a suspect in these things. You decide to sneak over to Jessica's house. You know she wanted you after that kiss. You could feel it. Like she could feel your erection.

It's around 11 at night, and since you are sneaking over to her house, you climb up the tree again. This time, you knock on her window. Jessica gets out of bed, obviously sleeping or...doing something else, and opens it a crack.

"Hey," you whisper to Jessica, "Can I stay here for a while?" Jessica looks at you like you have lost your mind. Joke's on her though, you have lost your mind. Jessica soon realizes this.

"Um...OK I guess." Jessica opens the window all the way, and you walk inside. "What were you doing tonight?"

What do you tell her?

A. "Thinking about you."
B. "I think the more important question is what are WE going to do tonight?" And wink.
C. "I murdered Jeff and raped and knocked out Stan.
D. Nothing. You just kiss her. That'll explain everything.

BD

"I think the real question is what are WE going to do tonight?" You say, and wink at her. She smiles back, and then you go near her.

You put your arms around her, and she puts her's around you. She kisses you this time. It goes on for at least a minute. You don't want it to ever end. Then, she stops and sits on her bed, then motioning for you to come over there. You lay down on her bed...

Ten minutes later, you are finish tapping that. 3 in one day, and this was the first one to be actually willing to sleep with you! You lay on her bed with her, proud of yourself. You totally forget you're a murderer, an arsonist, a rapist, and an assaulter...

You fall asleep.

You wake up the next morning to the sound of a door knocking. Jessica is nowhere to be seen. You hear from downstairs the front door opening.

"He's upstairs! I got him locked in my room!" Filthy scrub. She just slept with you to distract you so she could call the police the next morning!

You then notice a note left by Jessica on her bed. It says "Enjoy your AIDS." Crap in a bucket. Great, so now you're going to get arrested AND you have AIDS. It's really not your week.

The police will be upstairs in about 30 seconds. What do you do?

A. Climb out the window
B. Hide in the closet
C. Go even more crazy and threaten suicide
D. Turn yourself in, you've caused too much destruction and you don't want anymore

CA

You're going crazy. But you already know that. But now you're even more crazy! What are you going to do? Attempt suicide, of course! You wait for the police to make it up the stairs.

"I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump out this window!" You scream at the top of your lungs. You've lost your ****ing mind, you don't care. "I'll do it, you know!" Suddenly, the police slam through the door.

"Stop, kid! You're under arrest!" They seem to be more interested in arresting you than saving your life. Go figure. You decide to try and scare them.

"Blarghadleki!" You yell at them. The police officers raise their guns. You freak the heck out after that. You don't wanna be killed! There is only one way not to be. "Ahhhh!" You yell, running towards the window. A gunshot rings out over by the police men, and as you're in the air, jumping against the window to break the glass, a bullet connects with your foot. You manage to break the glass, but you miss the tree and fall 2 stories, breaking the leg that wasn't shot, as well as one of your arms and at least one set of ribs. You're on the ground, writhing in pain.

Wait a second, you wonder, why do my ribs hurt? I must've fallen on something. You look around you and see a duck. It's a white duck, but it looks crushed.

The duck looks at you and calls out, "Quack." Although, he doesn't look happy. He looks pissed OFF. And he's running towards you. "QUACK!" he cries, as if it's a war cry. He starts pecking at your face. He starts hitting your eyes, until you can see no longer, then he starts pecking at your ribs, you know, the ones that are broken. For 2 grueling hours the duck pecks at you. Apparently the cops gave up on trying to arrest you and just decide to have this duck kill you.

Finally, the duck and the cops succeed. You die, on the ground in front of your crush's house, killed by a freaking duck. Friday night started off so normally, but it then spun out of control into madness. You were crazy, and you were killed because of it. You raped 2 minors and burnt down a family's house. You assaulted a girl and almost killed another bully. You deserved your fate.

After your death, Jessica runs outside and starts kicking your body. After a few seconds though, she falls to the ground. The ambulance comes, but it's too late. Jessica dies from AIDs.

Stan becomes friends with Paul and Rob. After yours, Jessica's, and Jeff's Families' funerals, they decided to put whatever differences they had beside them.

THE END

I made a few edits in the last update. I was planning on writing a collaborative CYOA with another user about the Aflac duck, but I edited that stuff out because it was never made. Otherwise, looking back at this story, it's alright. I never thought it was perfect, but whatever. Now, onto the next story.

CYOA: You think you are the Avatar, but you are in normal Earth (July, 2013)

Now, this story I feel is legitimately good. Sure, it's cheesy and fan ficcy, but I don't care. I love Avatar, so I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I am happy the character was crazy enough to keep around afterwards.

Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Those are the 4 elements people need to master to become a true Avatar. Unfortunately, you have mastered none of them, except for the fact that you drink water, live on the Earth, set things on fire, and breathe air.

You are the Avatar. You know it to be true. Unfortunately, no one believes you. As you are a high school Junior, people just make fun of you for the robes you wear and your rambling ons about saving the world. But then, you vanished.

Just kidding.

Anyway, you decide you should start mastering the elements if you want to save the world. Though you aren't sure what you need to save the world from.

What do you do?

A. Try to figure out what you need to save the world from
B. Master water so you can be a true Avatar.
C. Go to school and warn everyone
D. Shave your head and draw an arrow on it

D (And some school)

You are about to turn to the sink to master Water when you realize that no one believes you because you don't look like the Avatar! You need to look the part to convince everyone!

You shave your head and draw an arrow on it. Really, that's all you need to look the part. You put on your robes and walk to school. People start snickering instantly.

What do you do?

A. Although you haven't mastered Earth Bending yet, maybe you can lift a boulder off the ground and kick it at the students.
B. Laugh with them
C. Ask what's so funny.
D. Tell them you are the Avatar and that you are here to save the world.

AC

You decide the only way to shut these kids up is by earth bending! Unfortunately, you can't find any boulders on the ground. But, you stomp on the road, hoping a chunk of it will fly up in the air. It does not. The teens start laughing harder.

"What are you, five?" One of the teens, Daniel, laughs. You are trying to figure out why they are laughing. Don't they know you are the only hope for the Earth?

"Excuse me, children," you state to the students, who give off confused looks, then start laughing again, "why are you laughing? Don't you know I am the only hope for mankind? I, the Avatar, will save you all!"

"Save us from what?" Daniel says between laughs.

What do you say?

A. "The Fire Nation!"
B. "Batman!"
C. "Teachers!"
D. Say nothing, just walk away from them

E

"I'm... not sure yet." You respond to the students, because you don't want to lie to them. "I'll find out soon though, I promise!"

Daniel doesn't believe you. He walks over and starts beating you like a hoe. A garden hoe, that is. You try all the bending you've learned, which is none, so basically you just lie on the ground and take his kicks to the face. Suddenly, the newly-drawn arrow you've drawn on your head and your eyes begin glowing. You rise into the air, Daniel afraid of what you will do, and you burp. You then fall to the ground, and you fall unconscious.

When you wake up, you are surprised to see Fire Benders around you. "So, you are the Avatar, huh?" Your physics teacher asked. You only took Physics because you were hoping you would learn how to bend things. Pretty ironic that you never learned anything, yet your teacher is a fire bender. "Never would have expected you to be him."

"What? I talk about being the Avatar every day! You are only now believing that I am?!?" You say angrily. You are fed up with people not believing you. You have only been here for a few minutes and already you want to kill the fire benders in the room. Though, they could be helpful in mastering fire.

What do you do?

A. Ask them to train you
B. Attack them with your bending skills!
C. Run away to the New York City outside.
D. Wake up from your coma

BAD

"You'll never defeat me!" You say as you realize what you've been doing wrong this whole time! You've seen Captain Planet! You know to use your powers, you have to say the names of the powers. "Earth!" You say, stomping on the ground. It didn't work. "Water!" you say. That doesn't work either. "Fire!" You say. Nothing happens. "Win- I mean, Air!" You say. Still, nothing. "Heart!" Oh wait, that isn't an element. The teachers start laughing at you as they start throwing fire towards you,

"OK, OK! I'm sorry! Please, train me!" You beg on your knees. The teachers stop throwing fire, look at each other, and nod.

"OK, Avatar, we will teach you everything we know. And then we will kill you." They taught you so many tricks and moves. And when you were done, they were right, they threw a bunch of fire on you and you fall unconscious.

You wake up in a hospital bed. You don't know how long you've been out, but your head really hurts, though you don't feel like you've been burned. A doctor walks in. "Ah, you're awake!" He says cheerfully. Does he not know what danger he is in of the fire bending teachers? "You took quite a beating from Daniel, you know. I was afraid you would never awake!"

"Silence, medic!" You say. The doctor jumps in fear. "Where are the fire benders? I need to save the world, and you are holding me back!

"I can't let you leave, you haven't recovered yet."

What do you do?

A. Try your new fire bending powers.
B. Decide the Fire Bending teachers were just a vision, and what you need to do next.
C. Walk out of the room and go to New York City
D. Wait to recover, then c.

A.

"It's time to light this place up, isn't it?" You say with a smirk. You remember you have firebending powers now, and this is ample time to use them.

You stand up and do that stance firebenders do when they are about to duel. The doctor gives you a strange look.

"Fight me, you coward!" You say in anger. The doctor tries as best as he can to imitate you stance, but fails so hard. You put your arm back and try to firebend. Nothing. You remember what the teachers taught you, but it's not working! Then, you find the heater. Yes, now you remember! You have to burn your hands to get the fire to work! You place your hands on the heater for 5 minutes. After that, you lose feeling in your hands. You're now ready. "Hyeah!" You cry as you flail your arms. Nothing happens. As a last resort, you run towards the doctor and put your hot hands on his face.

"OWWWWWWWWW!" The doctor screams as the hotness spreads all throughout his face. His face becomes a dark. dark redish black look. He passes out from the immense heat. That's the last thing you remember before getting hit with a tranq.

You wake up in another hospital bed. You feel...funny. As if all of your problems have lifted away. You look in the mirror next to it and see that the arrow on your head has disappeared. Ben Browder it. it took you hours to draw it! Doesn't anyone realize you are the Goddamned Avatar!?

The doctor walks in again, this time very frightened. "We've put you on medication, hopefully this will control you." No, it won't. In fact, you believe this will make you stronger!

What do you do?

A. Kill the doctor and draw the arrow again with his blood
B. Start clucking like a chicken
C. Fake the medicine working so you can get out of here faster and meet with the teachers
D. Tackle the doctor to the ground and feed him pills

D.

Pills? No Goddamnit! You are the freaking Avatar! You don't need to take pills! This Doc is going down! You tackle him to the ground, pills in hand.

"Wha?!?!?!? Get off me!" The doctor screams. You do not. While he was screaming, you threw 10 pills in his mouth. Soon, you no longer feel him struggle. He gets a smile on his face and starts giggling. "Ha...haha....hahaha. What do you want, Master Avatar?" He finally realizes the truth. He knows you are the Avatar. You can control his every whim!

Now that you no longer have an arrow on your head, you no longer look the part of Avatar. And since you are in a hospital, you can fix that. "Hey Doc! Let me cut open your arm! I need to draw a new arrow on my head so I look like the Avatar, and your blood should do just fine!"

"Um...ok sir." You find a surgical knife in a drawer. You also find some rubber gloves, and in a container above the drawer, you find some condoms. You grab both of them. You then take the knife and cut a small incision in his arm. You expect to hear him scream, but he's just laughing away. Good. You then, while wearing the rubber gloves, dab your finger in his blood and begin drawing the arrow. Soon, the doctor passes out from bloodloss, but your arrow looks stylish. Great.

You find some bandage and you bandage up the incision you made. About an hour after he passed out, he wakes up again. "Hey! What are yo-" you throw 10 more pills in his mouth and he is back to his goofy self. So 10 pills last for about an hour, and you only have 40 more. What can you possibly do in 4 hours?

A. Master all 4 elements: 1 Hour per Element, with your slave doctor
B. Destroy the hospital: They have brought you nothing but pain and misery
C. Put those Condoms to good use.
D. Take more Rubber Gloves and put one on your head, effectively turning you into a Chicken

B.

"We are going to destroy this hospital!" You declare to your doctor slave. You already have a plan set up. You give the doctor the rest of the pills so he won't run out before it's done. You are going to destroy the hospital with all of the elements. You have the doctor turn on all of the sinks in each room for water and open each window for air. While he's doing that, you will be outside throwing rocks at the building, hopefully making it easier to burn down.

You make it about 3 hours of throwing rocks. You've maybe gone through 3 inches of building on each side. Aw yeah. Your doctor finally comes outside.

"You ready for the final part of the plan?" You say to him. You see water leaking out of the open windows. Good, the building is partially flooded. Time for the last part. You get some gas from the Gas Station across the street and line the gas around the building. Time for destruction. You throw a lighter you also bought there into the gas, then you and the doctor run away as far as you can. You look behind you and see all of the murder you are causing. You aren't killing them, you are saving them. Saving them from their own destruction.

Suddenly, the police drive up. "Freeze! Put your hands above your head!" You do as they say, but suddenly, the arrow on your head starts to glow. You rise into the air as you remember what you did in your vision of the firebending teachers. All of the cops burst into flames. Cool, you have mastered fire. Only 3 more to go. And your slave only has an hour left!

Now that fire has been mastered, what do you try to learn now?

A. Air
B. Water
C. Earth
D. Go to the teachers to see what they recommend

D.

"Let's go see the firebending teachers, they'll know what to do!" You and the doctor walk to school. You see Daniel look at you with a weird look, but you snap your fingers and a wall of fire comes up between the two of you. That freaks him the **** out.

When you get to the teachers, you see that they are all murdered. Who could have done this?! You see one of the teachers still alive, but close to death. It's your Physics teacher. You run up to him. "A..Avatar. Waterbenders, from the beach... They destroyed us. You...by the end of the year, you need to destroy the Anti-Avatar. The one who doesn't believe in your power. When you des*cough*troy him, you will have brought peace... but you need to master all 4 elements first."

"Sir, how do I master all of them elements quickly?" You ask your teacher. "It seems I mastered fire in a second. There must be some shortcut!"

"Ah, there is... the shortcut is... you need to take a life with the element...without bending it. You see, you burned down a hospital with fire. Since you destroyed the building...with fire...you mastered it."

"One last question sir. Who is the Anti-Avatar?"

"He is a student in this school. His name... is *cough*." And with that, your Physics teacher stops moving. You dwell with anger. Well, if you need to take a life with water to master water, better do it with waterbenders!

You and your doctor run down to the beach. You bring up a large wall of fire and move it closer to the benders. It hits all but one. Every single person hit by it falls, dead. Only one guy stands still. Unfortunately, he is the leader of the group.

The leader throws water at your wall, dousing it, and then shoots it at you. You jump over the stream of water, and run behind him. You tackle him to the ground and start punching. Then, you forgot! You need to kill him with water.

How will you do it?

A. Push his head underwater until he drowns.
B. Put a hose in his mouth and turn it on, suffocating him with water.
C. Use water you've "Recycled" through your body in his mouth, enough to suffocate him.
D. Take him to a basement and flood it.

D.

"Let's go see the firebending teachers, they'll know what to do!" You and the doctor walk to school. You see Daniel look at you with a weird look, but you snap your fingers and a wall of fire comes up between the two of you. That freaks him the **** out.

When you get to the teachers, you see that they are all murdered. Who could have done this?! You see one of the teachers still alive, but close to death. It's your Physics teacher. You run up to him. "A..Avatar. Waterbenders, from the beach... They destroyed us. You...by the end of the year, you need to destroy the Anti-Avatar. The one who doesn't believe in your power. When you des*cough*troy him, you will have brought peace... but you need to master all 4 elements first."

"Sir, how do I master all of them elements quickly?" You ask your teacher. "It seems I mastered fire in a second. There must be some shortcut!"

"Ah, there is... the shortcut is... you need to take a life with the element...without bending it. You see, you burned down a hospital with fire. Since you destroyed the building...with fire...you mastered it."

"One last question sir. Who is the Anti-Avatar?"

"He is a student in this school. His name... is *cough*." And with that, your Physics teacher stops moving. You dwell with anger. Well, if you need to take a life with water to master water, better do it with waterbenders!

You and your doctor run down to the beach. You bring up a large wall of fire and move it closer to the benders. It hits all but one. Every single person hit by it falls, dead. Only one guy stands still. Unfortunately, he is the leader of the group.

The leader throws water at your wall, dousing it, and then shoots it at you. You jump over the stream of water, and run behind him. You tackle him to the ground and start punching. Then, you forgot! You need to kill him with water.

How will you do it?

A. Push his head underwater until he drowns.
B. Put a hose in his mouth and turn it on, suffocating him with water.
C. Use water you've "Recycled" through your body in his mouth, enough to suffocate him.
D. Take him to a basement and flood it.

D.

This time, you'll kill with the flood. Unfortunately, your flood last time was by the doctor. If you would have done it, you would have mastered water already. Ben Browder. Time to kill him with your flood.

You find a small house which you hope has a basement. You and the doctor, who is carrying the unconscious body of the water leader, break into the house and go down the basement. You find their toilet pipes and kick both of them. You also find their sump pump and you destroy it. The basement starts flooding. You also realize that the doctor is going to become sane any minute. So, you run upstairs without telling him and block the door with chairs. There will be no escape.

You go outside and find a hose. You take the hose and open the basement window a crack. You turn on the hose and put it near the window so the water starts flowing through it, You do this for the other 2 window (Luckily there were 2 more hoses). You know your job is complete when you start hovering in the air and your arrow starts to glow. You point down at the basement and all of the water shoots upwards, destroying the house. You have just mastered water.

You walk away, expecting the police to come like last time. Only this time, a limo pulls up. You try using your firebending, but a kid around the age of 15 jumps into the air. Airbender. He shoots air at you and you fall onto the ground. He then punches you in the face. You are knocked unconscious.

You wake up in a warehouse. "What's going on here?" You yell. That probably wasn't smart, Though, the airbender kid walks toward you.

"I'm the last Airbender. The rest of my group has died out over the years. You have already taken out two groups in your quest to mastering all of the elements. I cannot allow you to destroy a third." He starts running towards you.

How do you react?

A. Kill him with fire.
B. Kill him with water.
C. Try to reason with him, and get him to join you.
D. Sweep him to the ground and kill him with air, mastering Airbending.

C.

Think about it. You could have an airbender as a powerful ally before you kill him to master air. He could be of some use to you.

"Wait! I didn't hear your name first. Please tell me it!" You say to him.

"It's...it's Aang. My mother died giving birth to me and, knowing I was the last Airbender, named me after the other last Airbender , and an Avatar, who lived many years ago. Please, sir. Don't kill me, I want to live."

"Well... I won't kill you. But you must do as I say. Do you know where the Earthbenders are? I need to travel there before the end of the year, and it's already December 15th."

"They live in the Grand Canyon. It'd take days to get there, though. We can't use an airplane because you're wanted, and walking from New York would take days. Ah ha! I got it! My flying bison, Shawn!"

You give a weird look. "Shawn? You named your flying bison...Shawn...?"

"Shut up. I couldn't think of a better name!" Aang whistles and Shawn flies through a hole in the roof of the warehouse. You and Aang both jump on Shawn and fly away, toward Arizona.

You get to the Grand Canyon on December 20th. Only 11 more days until New Years. You have to hurry and master 2 more elements before then.

When both you and Aang make it to the Grand Canyon, it is night time. All of the Earthbenders are sleeping. You see some loose rock near the edge of the cliff. You and Aang go near it and kick the rocks down. The rocks hit most of the Earthbenders. You know you have mastered Earth because you start hovering again. You use your new Earthbending to destroy the other ones. You have killed all of the Earthbenders, except for one. Unfortunately again, it's the leader.

The leader bends a rock near you and hits it against you. Luckily, it wasn't too hard, but it does send you plummeting down the canyon.

"Avatar!" Aang screams as he bends the air to let you have a smooth landing. You land on your feet.

"Ah, so you are the Avatar. It looks like you have mastered all of the elements except for air, seeing as your Airbender friend saved you with it. Fortunately, I will give you the chance to master Airbending right now!" The leader runs to the top of the canyon (He can climb amazingly), and pushes Aang off the cliff. Now you have a decision to make. If you catch Aang, you will have saved your only friend left in the world, but you will not be an airbender. However, if you don't save him, technically, you did kill him with air, so you will have mastered Airbending. So, what do you do?

A. Catch Aang
B. Let Aang fall to his death.

A.

"Don't worry, Aang! I got you!" You run over and catch Aang. Furious for not taking his bait, the Earthbender puts his hands in the air, about to push rocks down on the two of you. Shawn, however, is up there as well, and kicks the Earthbender in the face, successfully knocking him out.

"Shawn!" Aang cries out, "Bring us to the top!" Shawn flies down to the bottom, picks both of you up, and brings both of you two the top. You jump off Shawn, pick up the Earthbender, and throw him off the Grand Canyon. When he hits the ground, you begin hovering in the air and your arrow glows. You have mastered all 4 elements.

"Come on!" You say after you land, "We need to get back to New York as quickly as possible! The Anti-Avatar might be wrecking havoc as we speak!"

You get back to New York on New Years Eve. It certainly looks different from before you left. Building you didn't destroy are in rubble, and there are no people to be seen. Suddenly, you see a missile fly toward you. Shawn quickly dodges it, and flies toward the site of the launching. You see Daniel and your old doctor there, waiting for you obviously.

"I knew you would show up, proclaimed Avatar." Daniel says to you, "This doctor told me of some delusion you have about being a mythical being, and since I've seen you be weird first hand, I know I can trust him." You're in shock.

"How did you survive the flood?" You ask the doctor, "I have waterbending powers now, so you must have drowned!"

"Did you not forget that there was someone else locked in the room with me? You see, he drowned, but you destroyed the house before I could, thereby freeing me!"

Oh my gosh. What have you done? You have freed one of your worst enemies and slaves. You know you have to kill the Anti-Avatar, and since you have a teammate now, Aang can take on the doctor.

What kind of bending do you use first?

A. Fire
B. Water
C. Earth
D. Air

A.

You throw a stream of fire at Daniel. He dodges out of the way and moves closer to you. He punches you and you get thrown to the ground. You throw Air at him and that blows him away from you. You lift some ground high and jump up on it, then you takes some water and whip it at him. You look over to Aang and the Doctor's fight. You see Aang airbending out of the way of...what? The doctor is waterbending! How is that?

"How are you wate-" you get cut off by Daniel punching your platform and you tumbling off of it. Daniel starts kicking your face again, like he did about a month ago. You feel like you are about to get knocked out again...

Suddenly, your eyes and arrow begin to glow again. You start hovering in the air, and you burp. But instead of it being a burp like what happened earlier, rocks, water, fire, and air come shooting out of your mouth, hitting Daniel and causing him to topple onto the ground. You grab Rocks and Water, and Summon Air and Fire. You are ready to kill Daniel. Daniel, however, has one last trick up his sleeve.

"You lose, Avatar." He says, holding a Molotov Cocktail. He throws it at Aang the moment you shoot all of the elements at him. Daniel dies as Aang burns alive.

"Aang!" you yell, running over to your friend. The doctor, however, takes advantage of your distraction and hits you with a shard of ice with his waterbending. You fall to the ground as the doctor walks near you. "How are you waterbending?" you ask him another time.

"I had a chance to save the waterbending leader in the basement, but I didn't and let him die, effectively turning me into a waterbender!" The doctor is laughing. Aang is already dead. You can feel it. You can serve vengeance on the doctor though. With a shard of ice pointed at you, you quickly make a wall of fire and burn him and melt the icicle, then use the melted icicle against him and start whipping him with it. With him unconscious, you build up a large wall of rock and you grab him and take him to the top, and then you use your airbending to blow him off the platform. The fall killed the doctor instantly. You faint at the top of the platform.

You wake up in a white void, not sure about what is going on. Suddenly, you see a man wearing white robes walking towards you.

"Great job! You have killed the Anti-Avatar!" The man seems proud of you, though you aren't exactly sure about who he is. "I'm sure you have many questions for me, but let me tell you who I am. I am the master of the secret 5th element, Time. What you have just did, mastering the 4 elements, defeating the Anti-Avatar, everything, never took place in time. It all happened in your head while you were knocked out. That doesn't mean, however, everything you accomplished never happened. You did defeat the Anti-Avatar and mastered the 4 elements, however, in real life, it will seem as if you didn't. No one knows about the Anti-Avatar, or that there are even 4 elements! When I send you back to your time, the Anti-Avatar will have never existed, your world will have never been destroyed, and you will have never mastered the 4 elements. Just know in your heart that you did. You are a real hero, Avatar."

A flash appears and you wake up in a hospital bed. Your neck hurts from wear the tranquilizer hit you, but overall you feel fine. Your doctor walks in, and although looks frightened by you, you know the reason why.

The End.

This story is...weird I guess. I really like it, but it gets weird at the end, and pointless. If I ever do a rewrite of these, I'll change this ending to foreshadow the ending of the series, because this really makes no sense in context to the rest of the series. Really, though, I was never planning on making it a series, as I said, so it makes sense why.

CYOA: You are an old man computer teacher, but also the girl's track coach (July, 2013)

This is where I decided to have all my stories take place in the same world, as well as have small little references to each other. I don't mean like other characters everywhere in here, but I mean, mentions of other characters from the other stories and stuff start taking place here. I also started getting suspended on the site for other things unrelated to this, so I wasn't able to update this one or the next two and they ended up dying. All loose ends end up getting tied up, though. Here is my original introduction:

This is based off my old computer teacher, whose name was NOT Mr. Sherman. He was pretty awesome, although he did fly off the handle sometimes. He was pretty old, and he was and still is the girls track coach, even though he retired from teaching. I've wanted to do this one for a little while, and since my Avatar one is wanning in popularity, mine as well start this one. So, let us begin!

________________________

You are Mr. Sherman. You are probably the oldest computer teacher ever to teach computers. You don't care if people play Counter-Strike during class, you'll give everyone an A as long as they do their work. Unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't work that way.

You are also the girls track coach. Since not many girls take your computer class, you need some way to check out the girls. And what better way to do so then by being the girls track coach? You are so proud of your team, you put pictures of them all over the room! You love your job.

One day, you get an email from the principal saying that the IT people have detected games on the computers, and if you want to keep your job, you need to eliminate them.

How do you deal with the situation?

A. Give a speech to the class about you trusting them to delete the games themselves.
B. Surprise inspection: Who knows what you'll find on their computers?
C. Destroy all of the computers.
D. Tell the principal the IT people have it wrong

B.

Luckily, your first period class is up now, so it's time for a surprise inspection!

"Alright everyone! Log in, then sit in your desks." Everyone does it. Now it's time for the inspection. You get up, and start searching everyone's private H drives. The first few computers turn out fine, but then you find a folder full of scrub in one! Jackpot! "Hey, you have scrub in here!?! That is against the rules!" You take out your flash drive and put it in the computer, then you cut/paste the folder into it. "I'm just saving the evidence to show the principal, that's all," you tell them, reassuring the class. After it is done saving, you move onto the next computer.

The next computer has a few games like Tetris, Line Rider, and a bunch of other flash games on it. Those are easily deleted, then you empty the recycle bin. The next computer has the same games. Those 2 must be friends. You do the same to them.

The next computer, however, has a hitlist saved on it! You aren't sure what to do! The principal said only to delete the games, but this is a hit list!

What do you do?

A. Just delete it.
B. Read it out loud to the class.
C. Give it to the principal.
D. Ignore it, move on to the next one.

B.

There are some classmates on this list! You need to warn them. So, it's time to read this list out loud!

"Alright, guess what guys? There is a hit list on this computer! So watch out: Sam, Lucas, Brian, Dan, and Brendan!" The person who wrote the list is crying hysterically. You then move on to the next computer.

This computer was made by that annoying kid in class who says he is really smart, and probably is, but lies so much that you can't really tell. He has one lone program in his drive, marked "VIRUS" That's not good, you think, though it's probably nothing. The last two computers have no games on them, just barely school appropriate backgrounds. That's ok, though.

"OK, kids, inspection is over, go back to your computers!" You go back to your computer.

What do you do?

A. Inspect the "Evidence" on your flash drive from earlier.
B. Tell the principal everything has been taken care of
C. Comfort the hit list boy.
D. Ask the "Maybe smart but probably not" kid about "VIRUS"

CD

You notice the hit list kid, whose name happens to be Rich, has been crying for a while now. You go over to him to comfort him,

"Hey, Rich. We all get angry at people sometimes. We can't just make a list of people that you want to kill though. That is wrong, but you can learn from your mistake." Yes, you are now this kid's influence. Rich seems unchanged though.

"People just make me so mad though!" Rich replies with. You can see him crying even harder now. Dude, get a grip.

"Look, Rich, look at Tyler over there!" You point at the "Maybe smart maybe not" kid, "He is making a computer virus on the school's computers! He could maybe help you through this!" You go over to Tyler for a second and say, "That is what "VIRUS" is, isn't it,"

"Yep, it's a virus that can shut down the whole district if I wanted to! I could do so many things with it, like take down Facebook!" Tyler looks pleased with his virus.

What do you do?

A. Suggest Tyler take down all of the kids on Rich's hit list's home computers.
B. Turn Tyler and Rich in.
C. Examine your "Evidence"
D. Check out the hidden camera you have in the Girls' Locker Room, seeing as you are the Track Coach

A.

"Hey, Tyler. Want to put that Virus to good use? And if you say no, you'll get ratted out," you say to Tyler. Tyler, obviously afraid, nods his head in agreement. "Alright, how about you team up with Rich over there and send the virus to the kids on his hit list's home computers? Then, both of you are happy!"

"Hmmm, not bad of an idea," Tyler says, "What do you think, Rich?" Rich, crying, nods in approval.

"We should start a club, then! A computer club!" You say. You then remember this school already has a computer club. Ben Browder! "Or, we can call it a Networking Club! But do other things in it! We can do it on days I don't have track practice." Both Tyler and Rich seems happy with your idea. You go back to your desk and request a new school club while the two boys start talking computers.

After the rest of the school day being Anti-Climatic, you have track practice after school. One of the girls, the biggest slut in school, Linda, comes up to you. "Um, Coach Sherman, I'm pregnant, so I'm not going to be able to practice for a few months."

You get angry. Linda, although she is a slut, is one of the best girls on the team! What do you do?

A. Tell her she has no excuse.
B. Yell at the entire team
C. Let Linda take her leave
D. Make Linda run 20 miles for getting knocked up.

D.

Goddamn it, Linda! Stop being such a slut! We already lost Jessica this year to AIDS; how many more sex related mishaps are going to happen to this team? You are so pissed off, you know exactly what her punishment is going to be.

"SHUT THE **** UP!" You scream, even though you have no idea who you were telling that to, seeing as everyone was silent, "Linda, you will run 20 miles as punishment for your sexual behavior! Now, run, NOW!" You were wondering when you were going to get this mad. It usually happens once a week.

"But I'm not even supposed to be practicing today! I just came to tell you that I can no longer practice for the season!" You are fed up with Linda and her stupid excuses.

"I am fed up with Linda and her stupid excuses." You say bluntly, "Just for that, you are running 20 miles everyday for the next 3 weeks." You believe you have hit a new all time high. Linda, however, feels otherwise. She starts running away from you.

What do you do?

A. Go up to Linda and tackle her
B. Let her leave, you overreacted
C. Yell at the team
D. Make the team catch Linda

D.

You can't let her escape! But, you are an old man, you could never catch a track star, even if she is preggers! Then you remember you have a full track team at your disposal.

"Alright, team. After Linda! The winner gets a surprise!" The entire team runs after Linda. Linda has no chance against all of these girls! And your thought is right: one girl tackles her to the ground, and brings her over to you. "Linda," you say when she is near, "You have embarrassed me, your team, and this entire school with your behavior. As punishment, you will run 30 miles everyday until you graduate." Linda is in tears, but starts running around the track. You won.

The girl who caught her, Robin, is a cute girl. She is 18 years old, but nice, elegant, fast, and flexible. You are an old man, so it's kind of creepy when you smile at her, but she smiles back at you. You still got it. Then she speaks.

"Coach Sherman, I caught her! What's the surprise?" Oh crap, you forgot you promised a surprise! What is the surprise?

A. Your flash drive full of "evidence"
B. A free membership into your new networking club (everyone else has to pay 5 dollars)
C. A date with you
D. Sex

D.

Ahaha! You know just what the surprise will be! "I left it in my classroom. Follow me." She nods as you begin walking to your classroom. When you get to the door, you get in, and she does as well. You close the door and lock it.

"What's going on?" Robin says, confused. You walk over to her and hug her. "Um, I don't feel comfortable with this, Coach Sher-" you kiss her. While kissing her, you get your first erection of the year. Robin feels it and pulls away, quickly. "What the **** are you doing, you crazy old man!" She hits you and starts to leave, but then turns back around. "I'm...I'm sorry. I just have never done this sort of thing with a teacher before...or with anyone to be honest, and I'm a little scared."

"Don't be scared," you say, "Everyone has their first time." You sit down and spread your legs, and Robin pulls off your track shorts...

Your in the middle of sex. You're both about to finish, when...

KNOCK

KNOCK

KNOCK

Oh God, someone is at the door! What do you do?

A. Ignore them, finish.
B. Get the door, don't put on your clothes
C. Get the door, put on your clothes
D. Have Robin get the door, clothless
E. Have Robin get the door, clothes on

And it ends. >_> So, what happens next? Well, another story will explain that.


99% of this generation hasn't listened to Gangnamcore. If you're the 1% who has put this in your signature.



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CYOA: You are an English Teacher with anger problems and a ghetto 8th hour class (July, 2012)

This one was fun to write, a little redundant, in some parts, but I got a great character out of it. Here is the original introduction:

Just like my old man computer teacher, this one is also based off of one of my teachers. He got angry so much, it was hilarious. Actual experiences from my class will be in this one. Of course, some of this is overreactions, but still, part of the fun.

____________________________

You are Mr. Dash. You hate kids. They make you so angry. The little s***s just piss you off so much. It's unbearable. Why can't people just be born adults? Why!?! And so with your hatred of children, you became a teacher.

It is the first day of school. You have already went through 7 periods of torture, but now there is only one hour left. Let's do this! A bunch of juniors walk through the door, talking about weed, Oh, that's a nice subject to be talking about. Two more walk in with their pant almost hitting the floor. Great. You also notice they don't really use correct grammar. Fun. Some sluts walk through the door. The bell rings, and you start talking.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Das-" You get cut off because everyone is still talking super loud. About 5 more kids walk through the door even though the bell has rung. One last kid walks through the door talking on his cell phone.

This is when you realize this is going to be heck. You are in heck.

What do you do?

A. Yell at your ghetto class
B. Tell the kids about how much s*** you have to do
C. Kick a chair
D. Tell the kid talking on his phone that you will cut off his head and throw it down the hallway

(Note: All 4 of those choices actually happened throughout the year in his class)

CD

Goddamn it, you need to get these little a******s' attention, but how? You see a chair next to you. Perfect. You kick it across the room. Everyone looks at you, they all stop talking.

Well, except for the cell phone kid. He just keeps talking and talking and talking...

"Really?" You say to him. He doesn't notice. "Really?" You repeat, angrier. The kid next to him pokes him, then points at you. He closes his cell phone, then looks at you. "Really?" you say again.

"I can do whatever the **** I want in this class." He says. You are so angry, angrier than you have ever been this week.

"Yeah, sure. You can do whatever the **** you want," you say, students gasp when you swear, "I can do whatever the **** I want too. You know, I really wanna cut off your ****ing head and throw it across the hallway, Can I do it? No, because I'll get fired. We all have rules here, *****es, and I was about to show you them, but now, since none of you can shut the **** up, I guess I won't." A girl raises her hand. "WHAT?" You say,

"Can I use da bathroom?" she says.

What do you do?

A. Let her go to "da" bathroom
B. Get even angrier
C. Ask her what her name is and embarrass her
D. Tell her to sit down and you continue your rant

E. (which was really going to be C)

Really? You use t;hat mistake? The one mistake teachers alway, and I mean, ALWAY harp on? Well, not today! Time to use the one response you can use in this situation!

"I don't know, can you?" you say. No one laughs.

"Yes, I can." She replies. She looks angry at you. Good, now she knows your pain.

"What is your name?" You ask the girl.

"Shaniqua," She replies with. Oh my gosh.

"Well, Shaniqua, maybe if you learned better grammar, didn't talk during class, and maybe were a bit nicer to me, MAYBE I WOULD LET YOU USE THE RESTROOM!" You scream. You are so red from screaming, it's not even funny. Ok, maybe it is a little funny. Ah, who am I kidding, it's hilarious! Everyone in the room, however, is scared ****less. Luckily, the bell rings, saving you from your heck.

89 days left of the semester

DAY 2

8th hour is here again. Oh boy. Everyone walks in the same as yesterday, Even the cell phone kid. Did they learn anything?

How do you react this time?

A. Scream some more.
B. Drop papers everywhere and say "I've got so much **** to do!"
C. Tell Shaniqua she can use the bathroom now
D. Take the kid's cell phone away. And by take away, I mean break

D.

Where does that cell phone kid get off? He always talks on his phone is this class. You know this, and it's only the second day! You know what you must do.

"Give me your phone." You say to the kid. You look at a paper on his desk and his name is Robbie. Hmmm.

"I'll call you ba-" he starts, but you interrupt him.

"YOU AIN'T CALLING S***!" You yell at him. You take his phone forcefully, then notice his friend is still on the line. "Listen, you little dickhole," You say to him, "If you ever call Robbie during this class again, I will find you and rip your dick off and shove it up your propane. That is literally ****ing yourself. Do I make myself clear!?!" You say. The kid agrees, but instead of hanging up, you throw the phone on the ground and jump on it, smashing it on the ground.

The kid is horrified of you. Good, 2 down, 18 more to go. The kids are staring at you.

What do you do?

A. Introduce the first story you will be reading, as if nothing happened.
B. Yell at the students some more.
C. Apologize to Robbie
D. Apologize to the class

A.

Oh, crap, you forgot! You have **** you have to do! You give everyone a piece of paper with the short story The Adventure of the German Student on it.

"Now, class," you begin, there is a little bit of chatter going on, but that's ok. For now, anyway, "today we will be reading The Adventure of the German Student by Washington Irving. Does anyone know another story Mr. Irving wrote?" No one raises their hand, "That's right, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow! Well... whatever, let's read," You begin reading to the class.

"In a stormy night, in the tempestuous times of the French Revolution, a young German was returning to his lodgings, at a late hour, across the old part of Paris. The lightning gleamed, and the loud claps of thunder rattled through the lofty narrow streets—but I should first tell you something about this young German."

You hear giggling while you read, while other conversations go on. You pause, then say "Guys, please be quiet." Some of the conversations stop, but there are still a little more. You continue reading though.

"Gottfried Wolfgang was a young man of good family. He had studied for some time at Göttingen, but being of a visionary and enthusiastic character, he had wandered into those wild and speculative doctrines which have so often bewildered German students. His secluded life, his intense application, and the singular nature of his studies, had an effect on both mind and body. His health was impaired; his imagination diseased. He had been indulging in fanciful speculations on spiritual essences, until, like Swedenborg, he had an ideal world of his own around him. He took up a notion, I do not know from what cause, that there was an evil influence hanging over him; an evil genius or spirit seeking to ensnare him and ensure his perdition. Such an idea working-"

People are talking very loud now. "Guys, please, be quiet. I'll give you time to talk before class is over, I promise." People stop talking now.

"Such an idea working on his melancholy temperament produced the most gloomy effects. He became haggard and desponding. His friends discovered the mental malady preying upon him, and determined that the best cure was a change of scene; he was sent, therefore, to finish his studies amidst the splendors and gayeties of Paris.

"Wolfgang arrived at Paris at the breaking out of the revolution. The popular delirium at first caught his enthusiastic mind, and he was captivated by the political and philosophical theories of the day: but the scenes of blood which followed shocked his sensitive nature, disgusted him with society and the world, and made him more than ever a recluse. He shut himself up in a solitary apartment in the Pays Latin, the quarter of students. There, in a gloomy street not far from the monastic walls of the Sorbonne, he pursued his favorite speculations. Sometimes he spend hours together in the great libraries of Paris, those catacombs of departed authors, rummaging among their hoards of dusty and obsolete works in quest of food for his unhealthy appetite. He was, in a manner, a literary ghoul, feeding in the charnel-house of decayed literature."

The volume in the classroom is getting louder. How do you combat this?

A. Read louder.
B. Remind them of your promise.
C. Yell at them.
D. Pause until they are quiet, they'll get the hint

A.

You'll just yell over them, that's all. You read super loud now, basically screaming it.

"Wolfgang, though solitary and recluse, was of an ardent temperament, but for a time it operated merely upon his imagination. He was too shy and ignorant of the world to make any advances to the fair, but he was a passionate admirer of female beauty, and in his lonely chamber would often lose himself in reveries on forms and faces which he had seen, and his fancy would deck out images of loveliness far surpassing the reality.

"While his mind was in this excited and sublimated state, a dream produced an extraordinary effect upon him. It was of a female face of transcendent beauty. So strong was the impression made, that he dreamt of it again and again. It haunted his thoughts by day, his slumbers by night; in fine, he became passionately enamoured of this shadow of a dream. This lasted so long that it became one of those fixed ideas which haunt the minds of melancholy men, and are at times mistaken for madness."

The kids are now talking super loud now, even louder then you! "Guys, shut it!" You say. They do. For now. You read even louder.

"Such was Gottfried Wolfgang, and such his situation at the time I mentioned. He was returning home late on stormy night, through some of the old and gloomy streets of the Marais, the ancient part of Paris. The loud claps of thunder rattled among the high houses of the narrow streets. He came to the Place de Grève, the square where public executions are performed. The lightning quivered about the pinnacles of the ancient Hôtel de Ville, and shed flickering gleams over the open space in front. As Wolfgang was crossing the square, he shrank back with horror at finding himself close by the guillotine. It was the height of the reign of terror, when this dreadful instrument of death stood ever ready, and its scaffold was continually running with the blood of the virtuous and the brave. It had that very day been actively employed in the work of carnage, and there it stood in grim array, amidst a silent and sleeping city, waiting for fresh victims."

Silence. Good.

"Wolfgang's heart sickened within him, and he was turning shuddering from the horrible engine, when he beheld a shadowy form, cowering as it were at the foot of the steps which led up to the scaffold. A succession of vivid flashes of lightning revealed it more distinctly. It was a female figure, dressed in black. She was seated on one of the lower steps of the scaffold, leaning forward, her face hid in her lap; and her long dishevelled tresses hanging to the ground, streaming with the rain which fell in torrents. Wolfgang paused. There was something awful in this solitary monument of woe. The female had the appearance of being above the common order. He knew the times to be full of vicissitude, and that many a fair head, which had once been pillowed on down, now wandered houseless. Perhaps this was some poor mo-"

"BOOO!" Every kid in the room screams. You get so freaked out, you fall out of your chair and land on your back on the ground.

What do you do?

A. Continue to lie on the ground, play dead
B. Continue to lie on the ground, read louder
C. Get up, continue where you left off.
D. Get up, start screaming at people

B.

Oh my God, your back hurts soooo much. But you can't look hurt, you need to remain unphased... That's it! Read the story while lying down!

"Perhaps this was some poor mourner whom the dreadful axe had rendered desolate, and who sat here heart-broken on the strand of existence, from which all that was dear to her had been launched into eternity."

The kids stop talking, and begin to listen to you, seeing as their effort failed. Success.

"He approached, and addressed her in the accents of sympathy. She raised her head and gazed wildly at him. What was his astonishment at beholding, by the bright glare of the lighting, the very face which had haunted him in his dreams. It was pale and disconsolate, but ravishingly beautiful.

"Trembling with violent and conflicting emotions, Wolfgang again accosted her. He spoke something of her being exposed at such an hour of the night, and to the fury of such a storm, and offered to conduct her to her friends. She pointed to the guillotine with a gesture of dreadful signification.

" 'I have no friend on earth!' said she.

"'But you have a home,' said Wolfgang.

"'Yes—in the grave!'

'The heart of the student melted at the words.

"'If a stranger dare make an offer,' said he, 'without danger of being misunderstood, I would offer my humble dwelling as a shelter; myself as a devoted friend. I am friendless myself in Paris, and a stranger in the land; but if my life could be of service, it is at your disposal, and should be sacrificed before harm or indignity should come to you.'"

The class is still silent, listening to your story.

"There was an honest earnestness in the young man's manner that had its effect. His foreign accent, too, was in his favor; it showed him not to be a hackneyed inhabitant of Paris. Indeed, there is an eloquence in true enthusiasm that is not to be doubted. The homeless stranger confided herself implicitly to the protection of the student.

"He supported her faltering steps across the Pont Neuf, and by the place where the statue of Henry the Fourth had been overthrown by the populace. The storm had abated, and the thunder rumbled at a distance. All Paris was quiet; that great volcano of human passion slumbered for a while, to gather fresh strength for the next day's eruption. The student conducted his charge through the ancient streets of the Pays Latin, and by the dusky walls of the Sorbonne, to the great dingy hotel which he inhabited. The old portress who admitted them stared with surprise at the unusual sight of the melancholy Wolfgang, with a female companion.

"On entering his apartment, the student, for the first time, blushed at the scantiness and indifference of his dwelling. He had but one chamber—an old-fashioned saloon—heavily carved, and fantastically furnished with the remains of former magnificence, for it was one of those hotels in the quarter of the Luxembourg palace, which had once belonged to nobility. It was lumbered with books and papers, and all the usual apparatus of a student, and his bed stood in a recess at one end.

"When lights were brought, and Wolfgang had a better opportunity of contemplating the stranger, he was more than ever intoxicated by her beauty. Her face was pale, but of a dazzling fairness, set off by a profusion of raven hair that hung clustering about it. Her eyes were large and brilliant, with a singular expression approaching almost to wildness. As far as her black dress permitted her shape to be seen, it was of perfect symmetry. Her whole appearance was highly striking, though she was dressed in the simplest style. The only thing approaching to an ornament which she wore, was a broad black band round her neck, clasped by diamonds.

"The perplexity now commenced with the student how to dispose of the helpless being thus thrown upon his protection. He thought of abandoning his chamber to her, and seeking shelter for himself elsewhere. Still, he was so fascinated by her charms, there seemed to be such a spell upon his thoughts and senses, that he could not tear himself from her presence. Her manner, too, was singular and unaccountable. She spoke no more of the guillotine. Her grief had abated. The attentions of the student had first won her confidence, and then, apparently, her heart. She was evidently an enthusiast like himself, and enthusiasts soon understand each other.

"In the infatuation of the moment, Wolfgang avowed his passion for her. He told her the story of his mysterious dream, and how she had possessed his heart before he had even seen her. She was strangely affected by his recital, and acknowledge to have felt an impulse towards him equally unaccountable. It was the time for wild theory and wild actions. Old prejudices and superstitions were done away; everything was under the sway of the "Goddess of Reason." Among other rubbish of the old times, the forms and ceremonies of marriage began to be considered superfluous bonds for honorable minds. Social compacts were the vogue. Wolfgang was too much of theorist not to be tainted by the liberal doctrines of the day.

There is still silence in the room. Strange, they seem to respect you.

"'Why should we separate?' said he: 'our heart are united; in the eye of reason and honor we are as one. What need is there of sordid forms to bind high souls together?'

"The stranger listened with emotion: she had evidently received illumination at the same school.

"'You have no home nor family,' continued he: 'let me be everything to you, or rather let us be everything to one another. If form is necessary, form shall be observed—there is my hand. I pledge myself to you forever.'

"'Forever?' said the stranger, solemnly.

"'Forever!' repeated Wolfgang.

"The stranger clasped the hand extended to her: "Then I am yours," murmured she, and sank upon his bosom.

The next morning the student left his bride sleeping, and sallied forth at an early hour to seek more spacious apartments suitable to the change in his situation. When he returned, he found the stranger lying with her head hanging over the bed, and one arm thrown over it. He spoke to her, but received no reply. He advanced to awaken her from her uneasy posture. On taking her hand, it was cold—there was no pulsation—her face was pallid and ghastly. In a word, she was a corpse.

'Horrified and frantic, he alarmed the house. A scene of confusion ensued. The police was summoned. As the officer of police entered the room, he started back on beholding the corpse.

"'Great heaven!' cried he, 'how did this woman come here?'

"'Do you know anything about her?' said Wolfgang eagerly.

'"Do I?' exclaimed the officer: 'she was guillotined yesterday.'"

Everyone in the room gasps. You don't believe it, they are ACTUALLY listening!

"He stepped forward; undid the black collar round the neck of the corpse, and the head rolled on the floor!

"The student burst into a frenzy. 'The fiend! the fiend has gained possession of me!' shrieked he; 'I am lost forever.'

"They tried to soothe him, but in vain. He was possessed with the frightful belief that an evil spirit had reanimated the dead body to ensnare him. He went distracted, and died in a mad-house.

"Here the old gentleman with the haunted head finished his narrative.

"'And is this really a fact?' said the inquisitive gentleman.

"'A fact not to be doubted,' replied the other. 'I had it from the best authority. The student told it me himself. I saw him in a mad-house in Paris.'"

Done with your story, you get up off the ground. Everyone applauds. Robbie raises his hand. You call on him.

"Did the student bang that headless chick?" Everyone in the room starts to laugh.

"Yes, Robbie, it is implied they had sex." The bell rings and everyone leaves class.

DAY 3

Ah, Friday, the day before the weekend. Luckily, everyone respects you now.


Or do they?

Everyone walks into class, more talkative then usual! What do you do?

A. Snap
B. Kick a chair
C. Read another story
D. Walk out of class

AB

You've had it. It's time to go down on these MOFOs.

"EVERYONE, SHUT THE **** UP!" You yell. Everyone is silent. "I'M SICK OF EVERYONE TALKING! NO ONE GIVES ME ANY RESPECT. RESPECT IS VERY IMPORTANT. BUT, NO, ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS, 'Let's take advantage of Mr. Dash!' WELL, I'M SICK OF IT. WE HAVE SO MUCH **** TO DO!" On the word, ****, you kick a chair. It goes flying across the room. "WE HAVE 87 DAYS LEFT, PEOPLE. WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. WE STILL HAVE 1 PLAY AND 10 SHORT STORIES/POEMS WE NEED TO GO THROUGH, SO QUIT WASTING MY TIME, AND I WON'T ****ING WASTE YOURS!" You calm yourself.

Everyone looks at you in fear. Your bald head feels so hot at the moment, you know it's red. Everyone sits in silence for about 5 minutes.

"I wasn't going to give this to you, because you were actually paying attention yesterday, but now I must. Take out a pencil, it's time for a pop quiz on German Student." You hand out the quiz paper and a scantron, and they get to work.

All of the quizzes are handed in around 20 minutes later. Ben Browder, only 10 minutes left. They were quiet the whole time, and it's Friday, so you decide to just give them a reward,

"Alright, thank you for being so quiet during the quiz. You may talk for the rest of the period." And they do. The bell rings, and everyone leaves.

DAY 4

Ew, Monday, the worst day of the week... or is it?

Everyone walks into the classroom, although some a little late, quietly. They are all too tired to talk. Good. You decide you are about to reveal the play you will read for the year, but then you notice kids sleeping. What do you do?

A. Wake everyone up.
B. Ignore them, tell them the play
C. Give the awake people candy
D. Leave class, if some people won't pay attention, you won't either

A.

You're here to teach. They are here to learn. If half of the class is asleep, neither of those things are happening. The only way to do this is to wake their asses up!

"EVERYONE, WAKE THE **** UP!" Everyone picks their head off the desk and give you their attention. Good. "Alright class, today we are going to start reading The Crucible. It is a play set in Salem during the Witch Hunts, but it is actually a-" You get cut off by students talking. Some things never change. "Guys, be quiet. As I was saying, it's actually supposed to show a connection between the communist hunts during Cold War and the Salem Witch Trials. Everyone read Part 1 before the end of class." Most of the class start talking, but some of the class reads. You have a quiz ready. What do you do?

A. Take note of the people talking and only give them the quiz
B. Give the quiz to everyone
C. Give the quiz to people who are talking or did poorly on the last quiz (Both groups)
D. Give the quiz to people who are talking and did bad on the last quiz (People that both apply to)

D

You have your list of talkers, and your list of people who got lower than a 70% on the last quiz. Crossing off people who weren't on both lists, you have seem to have found 7 kids. When everyone is in class, you begin.

"I noticed that a lot of people weren't exactly reading the play. So, I came up with a plan. If you failed the last quiz and weren't reading, you will have a quiz to do. So come up here: Linda, Shaniqua, Robbie, Davion, Tyler, Rich, and Bill."

All of them come up, looking angry. Linda looks like she's getting very emotional, Shaniqua is still pissed for not letting her go to the Bathroom, Robbie is, well, just Robbie, Davion looks like he could punch you, Tyler (The kid who looks smart but lies so you don't know) looks at your computer suspiciously, Rich writes something on a piece of paper while walking up to your desk, and Bill looks high as a kite. You give them their quizzes, and they sit down.

About 30 minutes later, all of the quizzes are handed in. You barely got anything done because you had to give the stupid kids their quiz. You hate them even more now.

The bell rings and the kids leave. What are your plans for tomorrow?

And that's where it ends. If you can't tell, I wrote this story and the last story at the exact same time. And then I got suspended for a week, and when I came back...


99% of this generation hasn't listened to Gangnamcore. If you're the 1% who has put this in your signature.



I don't care, if we're dead, I am Captain Splendid.
Post Wed Jul 03, 2013 6:53 pm 
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