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Poliwag Elite
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Joined: Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:48 pm
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So there isn't a specific forums for topics like these so I decided to post it here. Wanted to get your guy's opinions on this essay:

Some believe that nature dominates nurture in means of the character and behavior. While others argue vice-versa. Nurture does dominate nature in the development of the human being in behavior and character. The human being is not simply born the way they are, rather they grow to be that kind of person. In this essay you will hear one’s ideals about the never ending argument of the psychological views in the development of the human being.
A human does not simply behave the way they do from birth, rather they mentally accept it throughout the course of their adolescent minds and transcend to the adults they have or will become; whether it’s culture or even something as far as segregation; the human being all perceives these through nature. Racism can form from one’s behavior, past or present, is an example of the human’s ability to learn from one’s life experience. Take for example the Civil War, life back then were complete opposites in the north and the south; the south saw African Americans as slaves and less than that of a human being mainly due because their fathers before them perceived the slaves that way; it was their culture, their traditional beliefs and because nature allowed life to remain that way. A modern example would be someone who grew up in a neighborhood consisting of one race or many similar races; then this person would meet someone of a completely different race and culture the individual will most likely be afraid of what they don’t know, they could either be indulged by the thought of what their life might be or completely disgusted of it. Another example of how nurture takes effect in our lives is culture. As Americans, we are raised into believing that everyone is equal, we can wear whatever we like, and we have the rights to say what we like; publish what we see interesting; and worship who or what we believe to exist, while in the middle east they are raised into believing that the man are the dominate species; they cannot say anything about their government in a negative manner; the women must always cover themselves and that they must worship the same god who they perceive is the true and most holy. A well more known topic would be the cultural differences of America and Soviet Russia during the cold warm and how nurture raised them to believe what they believed. During the cold war, both sides were raised into believing that the other culture was evil and that they were doing things for the good of country. Most Russians did not know of the outside world and believed that all countries were exactly like theirs, they supported their country because they were raised into doing so. That is how nurture affects the individual’s behavior.
The individuality, the character of the person is affected by nurture is well, whether its their social behavior or the well-being it is all learned through life experience. Generally, a person would be able to know right from wrong but nobody questions why we decide whether that’s right or why it’s wrong. People are raised into learning from the society they live in and from the incidences in which the person committed a wrong or a right. Not only does this teach the individual but it also develops them into the character they are because their attitude will be a combination of the multiple personalities of their peers whereas the well being of the human can also be affected through their life experience. For instance, a person’s sanity is not developed by birth rather it is developed throughout the course of their life. Another example would be the statistics of thieves and criminals who got away and how shortened their lives are due to stress or guilt leading to suicide.
The human being is complex individual who transcends into an individual developed by nurture and nature. Nurture, however, is the dominate force within the stages of ones life. For a human being is not simply born the way they are, they become it.


Post Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:45 am 
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Poliwag Grandparent
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Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 11:11 pm
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I'm not gonna be as harsh as I was to Slix's essay but...

The first paragraph's "...you will hear one's ideals..." part sounds like you were trying to awkwardly get around the rule about not using first person in an essay. It's obvious and an unforgiving prof will catch it for sure.

Additionally the first paragraph as a whole seems to have little point. Okay you've established what you're arguing, but why do we (the readers) care? Why should we keep reading instead of throwing your essay aside and doing something more important or entertaining? You need to establish not just what your point is, but also why it's important.

The second paragraph, I must admit, makes little sense. After a few reads I think I started to understand how you were trying to use those examples to prove your point, but it's frankly a weak attempt, and a tough marker won't give you the benefit of the doubt by reading through multiple times.

Your third paragraph has some awkward phrasing but was perhaps the one I took the least issues with. Your examples are still weird and seem like they could be better, but they also seem to have improved slightly from the previous paragraph.

As for the final (short) paragraph, you've already said everything in it, so it's rather pointless. I assume you're stuck following a highschool format that makes you rigidly structure your conclusion in the stupidist way possible though, so I'll forgive you on that one. Highschools are bad at teaching how to do essays, so that one's not really your fault so much as it is the school's/your prof's.


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Post Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:59 am 
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Poliwag Elite
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Joined: Sat Nov 20, 2010 10:48 pm
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Yeah I followed the format, it was a tad difficult to understand partly due to my Teacher's way of contradicting himself. Thanks for the advice Missy and I appreciate the harshness after all I am a Senior and I should write better essay's than this.


Post Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:27 pm 
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